You are trying hard, but somehow it doesn’t work. You simply can’t perform, right? Well, just relax. You have plenty of company. Throughout the history of mankind and all over the world, all able bodied, healthy, macho men, including Casanova and James Bond have had it some time or the other, so there is absolutely no need for you to panic.
Marital vs extra-marital sex
Impotence or erectile dysfunction (ED) has multiple dimensions.
- ED is commonest in marital sex. You know the old jovial saying – first it is ‘tri-weekly’, then it is ‘try-weekly’, and finally it becomes ‘try-weakly’. The reasons could be many. Many married couples tend to take each other for granted over a period of time and that is when the freshness of marriage wanes. The contributing factors are diverse too. Growing children with resulting lack of privacy when the urge strikes or contrariwise, lack of urge when an opportunity presents itself, business and financial worries, mutual bickering and hostility over domestic issues and a million other factors contribute to marital ED.
- The solution lies in first identifying the underlying cause – sit down leisurely with your spouse and find out why things are no longer as electric as they were during the honeymoon.
- Pay attention to the technique of the sexual act as well. Instead of hurrying up and trying to get it over with, take your time, try gentle caressing, stroking and massaging and build up the foreplay to full arousal.
- Remove negative and hostile thoughts during the sex act.
- Try different positions, different locations, different lingerie, different perfumes, different everything except of course the spouse. You will surely get the right magic formula all by yourself.
- ED in extra-marital settings: today, sex is ever readily available on demand, just at the click of a mouse, so to speak. Sizzling websites and magazines can give you all that your fantasy can let you have – the most desirable female with peach-and-cream complexion and the best vital statistics willing to go to bed with you any moment and any which way you would fantasise, not uttering a word of discord, but moaning and groaning for more and more of you, deeper and harder, all the time. Well, a real life sex partner, even if she is a paramour, let alone one’s own wife, can never ever measure up to those tricks and acts, which is a total anticlimax for the macho man. No wonder, your organ doesn’t ‘rise’ to the occasion, since the sex centers in your mind have raised the bar of the desired female sexuality to unattainable imaginary limits. This is a common side effect of too much indulgence or porn watching.
There is this strange thing about the physics of sex. When you don’t have an outlet or opportunity, you might get the urge, but when you do have a ready partner, marital or otherwise, you could end up with poor urge because of performance anxiety. What is performance anxiety? It is simply the anxiety about whether you will be able to perform or nor. The very fear of failure to perform makes you unable to perform!
As the saying goes, often the most erogenic spot of the body lies, not down below with the alphabet G attached to it, but above the neck and inside the skull. Conversely, the urge could be too high in anatomical terms (only in the mind) and must be brought down closer to ground level (you know what I mean). The long and short of it is that anxieties can be many and also have many causes. Well-planned and well-executed relaxation, mental cum physical, is the answer to it all.
Contrary to what you may think, sexual act is not simply aah, ooh, and crying out in orgasm. It is quieter than you think. Only when you build up the tempo, will all the oohs and aahs come. They come right at the end and not in the beginning when your mind is unsure of itself. So, the one word answer to performance anxiety – relax. Be yourself. Be confident. Everything will work out fine
Smoking, alcohol, sleep deprivation
In today’s busy world of commerce and competition, you may tend to work long hours well past midnight. You probably have lots of coffee to stay awake and finish your work and you may be smoking too. And then you head straight to a pub or bar for a drink or two and then head home or to any other place for the sexual act. Well, you have already caused your own impotence. Sleep deprivation, lots of coffee, smoking and alcohol mess up your brain centres connected with arousal and sustaining erection. Shakespeare once said about alcohol, ‘it provokes the desire but takes away the performance’. Drinks never help erection, they hamper it. Don’t get carried away by movie scenes in which a macho man takes on a woman after a few martinis and puffs away to her admiration! Be practical. Take care of your body. Give it enough rest and let it function naturally. Your sex act will then take care of itself